I feel as if I'm lost within myself,
and I'm lost without you.
I feel adrift in the sea of my own life,
sailing aimlessly with no stars to guide me back
home.
Your heart feels so far away,
and I'm searching the world for it,
because its love is what gives mine
form.
Without it,
I don't truly exist,
like a nameless phantom or a distant memory in danger of being
forgotten.
Only you see me.
And if you turn away,
I'm afraid I'll cease to exist.
Cast forever into the endless darkness,
far from the light of your face.
Tuesday, September 11, 2018
Sunday, September 9, 2018
9/9/18
I haven't written much in a while, mostly because I feel as if I've lost my voice. Part of it has to do with my personal life, my job, my relationship, and everything in between. I feel so busy these days, like I'm being stretched thin. At work, especially, I've been feeling overworked and underpaid for months. It seems like we're always constantly shorthanded and doing extra work, and I'm physically and mentally exhausted at the end of each day. And working every other weekend, I don't have the opportunity to go to church as often as I'd like. It's like my spiritual life has taken a backseat to everything else.
Speaking of church, another issue has been the unfolding sex scandals and cover-ups plaguing the Catholic Church, as well as the continued marginalization of women and progressive, young voices, and the entrenched clericalism that's frankly put me off of the whole thing. It's hard walking into a church wondering if the person saying mass is a good one, and worrying that if I give money, it's going to help support people doing bad things and covering it up or lobbying against laws making it easy for victims of predators to sue. I don't really trust any priest, and when your faith revolves around the Eucharist, it's a hard thing to get past. And if that wasn't enough, I'm confronted by Catholics wrapping their bigotry, disdain, and even hatred of others behind words like love, and it's just too much. I know some wonderful Catholics, but the institution itself seems rotten to the core.
As a result, I've been going to Catholic churches less and less, and visiting Lutheran churches more and more. At first, I was just out of curiosity and convenience. I wondered what their services were like, and there was one just a few blocks from my girlfriend's parents' house, so I visited and was surprised how similar it was to Catholic ones. Then I decided to check out one near my place, Central Lutheran, with a female pastor who I'd first met while volunteering at Pride a couple of years ago. The people are nice, the church is deeply involved in social justice work, and the pastor, Amanda Zentz-Alo, is really inspiring. She was one of the 21 clergy members arrested at an ICE protest in August (none of them Catholic). She also spoke out against the treatment of immigrant families at a rally I attended in June on behalf of the Interfaith Movement for Immigrant Justice.
I wish more members of the clergy were willing to do things like this and to lead their faith communities to take a stand with them. When I read about the things Jesus did and say, I'm often disappointed by those who represent him because it all seems so far removed from his example. But when I see people who don't just say some nice, safe words in their place of worship on Sunday but go out to other places, like the Keep Families Together rally, and say things that need to be said, and go to protests and put themselves in the middle of the struggle against oppression and injustice, I start to believe in the things Jesus did and said.
I really enjoyed going to Central Lutheran Church today. It was one of the best services I've ever been to. I wish every place in life was filled with the same spirit.
Speaking of church, another issue has been the unfolding sex scandals and cover-ups plaguing the Catholic Church, as well as the continued marginalization of women and progressive, young voices, and the entrenched clericalism that's frankly put me off of the whole thing. It's hard walking into a church wondering if the person saying mass is a good one, and worrying that if I give money, it's going to help support people doing bad things and covering it up or lobbying against laws making it easy for victims of predators to sue. I don't really trust any priest, and when your faith revolves around the Eucharist, it's a hard thing to get past. And if that wasn't enough, I'm confronted by Catholics wrapping their bigotry, disdain, and even hatred of others behind words like love, and it's just too much. I know some wonderful Catholics, but the institution itself seems rotten to the core.
As a result, I've been going to Catholic churches less and less, and visiting Lutheran churches more and more. At first, I was just out of curiosity and convenience. I wondered what their services were like, and there was one just a few blocks from my girlfriend's parents' house, so I visited and was surprised how similar it was to Catholic ones. Then I decided to check out one near my place, Central Lutheran, with a female pastor who I'd first met while volunteering at Pride a couple of years ago. The people are nice, the church is deeply involved in social justice work, and the pastor, Amanda Zentz-Alo, is really inspiring. She was one of the 21 clergy members arrested at an ICE protest in August (none of them Catholic). She also spoke out against the treatment of immigrant families at a rally I attended in June on behalf of the Interfaith Movement for Immigrant Justice.
I wish more members of the clergy were willing to do things like this and to lead their faith communities to take a stand with them. When I read about the things Jesus did and say, I'm often disappointed by those who represent him because it all seems so far removed from his example. But when I see people who don't just say some nice, safe words in their place of worship on Sunday but go out to other places, like the Keep Families Together rally, and say things that need to be said, and go to protests and put themselves in the middle of the struggle against oppression and injustice, I start to believe in the things Jesus did and said.
I really enjoyed going to Central Lutheran Church today. It was one of the best services I've ever been to. I wish every place in life was filled with the same spirit.
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