Friday night, I decided to go to PFoD since the Pacific Hermitage monks were in town. During the tea time, Ajahn Sudanto talked about his recent visit to Temple Forest Monastery, a new monastery in Temple, New Hampshire. There are about five monks living there right now, including Ajahn Caganando. Although the current buildings on the property are rather old and in need of a lot of work, the surroundings sound rather idyllic, set amidst rolling hills, colonial stone walls, and a resurgent forest.
After meditation, Ajahn Sudanto forwent the usual Dhamma talk and did a prolonged Q&A about practice. I noticed that a lot of his answers focused on the need to develop and nurture all the factors of the path rather than overly relying on thinking to intellectually figure it all out. Thinking can only take us so far. We also need to arouse our curiosity, investigate our experience of suffering, meditate, study, and have patience. But above all, finding delight and interest is key, whether in our object of meditation or our investigation of Dhamma. Without that, our practice is likely to be dry and unfruitful.
I got a chance to talk to Ajahn Sudanto afterwards. I told him about the rough year I'm having, and he told me a little about his father passing away at 59, which is one the reasons he originally came back to the US from Thailand. I mentioned my stay at the Trappist Abbey and he seemed familiar with it. I wish I'd had more time to talk to him, though, about my struggle between living a worldly life and monasticism, as well as my draw to both Buddhist and Catholic monastic traditions. Hearing him talk about monastic life made me yearn for it; and the whole walk home, I found myself comparing what I like about each tradition and wondering where I feel the most called.
Today, on the other hand, was my first time officially serving as a Eucharistic minister. I arrived early and talked to Fr. Michael outside for a few minutes before heading in to help with the set up. I met Marie, and she had me light the candles next to the altar and ambo, as well as find two people to offer the gifts. Fr. Michael actually helped me with that part, which was exceptionally kind of him. Then I went up after the sign of peace and was one of the cup bearers during communion. I was more nervous this time around for some reason, but I also felt extremely proud and honoured to be a part of the liturgy.
Today was also memorable for the homily, which Fr. Bill gave. The theme was suffering as a blessing, which is definitely a challenging one. In Buddhism, suffering takes centre stage, and the practice is all about investigating suffering and learning how to suffer less. It's both our nemesis and our greatest teacher. But in Christianity, suffering is seen as a blessing of sorts; and Fr. Bill's homily was inspired in part by today's readings and an interview Stephen Colbert did in which he quotes Tolkien, "What punishments of God are not gifts?," as well as the life of Jessica Cox. He talked about the need to accept the gifts and abilities that God has given, and how it's through 'pruning' that we often grow.
When he was finished, Fr. Bill asked everyone what they heard/took away from the homily, something I think is rather courageous considering you never know who's going to respond and how. Some offered their understanding of Fr. Bill's words (I offered that what I heard was, the suffering we experience isn't so much a punishment as gateways to spiritual growth and wisdom if we're open to the lessons). Others took the opportunity to question the need for such 'lessons,' bringing up the suffering of children. And one man moved the entire parish by tearfully sharing that he has cancer and that it's motivating him to be the best, most Christ-like person he can possibly be with the time he has left.
I suppose it's really all about perspective. Suffering exists. And we can view the suffering we experience as some sort of punishment from God, or we can explore our suffering and learn from it, using it as both a motivation for cultivating empathy and compassion for our fellow brothers and sisters and as a teacher by asking ourselves the question, How can I use this experience of suffering to grow and mature spiritually? And that's a really hard thing to do. We instinctively want to run away from suffering and towards happiness and pleasure. But both Jesus and the Buddha teach us that we have to confront suffering head-on.
I don't think I have all the answers, but I suspect that most of the suffering we experience is either random and due to the nature of the causally-deterministic world we live in (i.e., without purpose in and of itself) or the result of human actions influenced by the defilement of greed, aversion, and delusion. And it's only by turning to face that suffering, by picking up the individual crosses we each bear, that we can ultimately transform it into grace, into love, wisdom, compassion, and joy. Easier said than done, for sure; but I know it's possible.
Once mass was over, Robert showed me how to properly clean the cups and plates, and then we headed over to the hall for the monthly french toast breakfast. Barbara asked me to sit at the RCIA table since there were two dormant Catholics who are coming back into the church. They decided to meet every Sunday after mass, and I agreed to try and make as many meetings as I can as part of the RCIA team. Fr. Bill also invited me to participate in an eight-week program geared toward evangelization and leading small faith groups. I told him that reaching out and interacting with others wasn't one of my strengths; but he seemed confident I'd be up to the challenge, and I said that I'd think about it.
All in all, this weekend was a lot more spiritually eventful than I expected; and I find myself once again entertaining serious thoughts about religious life.
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