2/20/22

My initial meeting with Pastor Amanda was postponed, but we finally managed to meet up today. The day itself was kind of chaotic as I didn't plan ahead like I should have. I didn't realize Central was doing virtual services only for the month, and Rebecca needed a ride to drop off some items, which had me driving all over the place trying to figure out the timing of things. But in the end, we met up at a tea shop and had a nice discussion. It was a bit awkward for me as I realize that I'm terrible in social situations and have a lot of social anxiety, especially with someone I haven't really talked to much and doubly for someone in a position of authority or someone I look up to.

Case in point. I really admire Amanda and have ever since the first time I ran into her at Pride 5-6 years ago. I was newly baptized and had volunteered at a booth for the weekend and was a little sad about missing church during a time when I went every Sunday. During a break, I was wandering around the grounds checking out the other booths when I happened upon the ministry tent. She was wearing rainbow tights and a clerical collar, and when I approached the tent she offered me communion. It was one of those extremely simple but memorable experiences that leaves a lasting impression on one's life for a variety of reasons that aren't explainable. A year or two later, after the priests at my own church were forced to relocate, the memory of that day motivated me to try and find her and the church where she belonged. I eventually found her Facebook page and sent a few messages and started visiting Central Lutheran when I was able, becoming even more inspired by her and her approach to spirituality, which is so open and considerate and caring and wise and full the spirit of Christ yet presented in the humblest of ways.

During our discussion, I learned that we shared a fairly similar background in the sense of living on the other side of the country before finding ourselves in the Pacific Northwest and of coming to religion and Christianity specifically later in life. I also got the sense that, being a pastor and not really knowing me super well, she was being careful with what she said, as was I, but she was also very open and I appreciated her sharing her stories about how she stumbled upon her calling and a little about her life in general. I think that if I weren't so shy and awkward in social situations I could have opened the discussion even more and learned a lot of interesting things, but it was a good beginning nonetheless. I wish that I had more friends in my life like her, because I feel like that's one of the things I'm missing, spiritual friends/friends who are spiritual. But the next best thing is a pastor who's willing to meet and write and guide me as best they can.

One of the things she suggested/offered to do is start a Google doc where we can converse, and where I can send questions and she can offer answers in return. I think that would be cool as I find I'm much better at communicating through writing rather than speaking. Plus, we can always schedule times to meet and talk in person in the future. So far, I've thought of three questions to start, and I also offered my own, short answers just to give her an idea of where I'm coming from.

Questions:

1. What about Lutheran theology inspires you and draws you in?
2. Where does your belief in God come from? (Rational deduction, personal experience, etc.)
3. Do you have any advice for someone on how to live their faith rather than talk about it?

My Answers:

1. While I don't know much about Lutheran theology specifically, a few things that I find intriguing and also practical are: the relational nature of the trinity (interconnectedness of all things and people); the foundation of love for morality and action; the creative power and evolutionary movement of the holy spirit in history and human lives; the immanence of God.
2. I'm not entirely sure, but it's something I've been drawn towards even when I considered myself fundamentally atheist and had no belief in such a concept. It's more of an intuitive belief than anything else. I have trouble seeing God in the midst of the mundane activities of life or in the pain and suffering we all experience; but I have come to appreciate God as the "ground of being" and people who have apprehended the presence of God in a way that's changed their lives. And even though I don't view God in as personal of a way as many Christians seem to (i.e., anthropomorphically), I do think that God pervades everything and I speak to God as if God were someone who could hear me. I don't truly understand who or what God is, but I find myself coming back to the idea of God again and again and seek a better understanding of God and how to be more open towards, and aware of, God in my life and the world around me.
3. I don't have an answer for this one yet beyond trying to be a good person who's more patient and caring. But I want to live it more than talk (or think) about it. Maybe part of that is my “faith” being so broad, but I think a lot of it has to do with having my heart be hardened by my life and past traumas and the like as well as being habitually reactive to situations and immediate feelings rather than mindful and reflective and having space to apply the concepts of my faith in the present moment.

I think I might also give her the link to this blog/journal since there's a lot here I could never put into words verbally.