Eight months ago, I left Our Lady of Guadalupe uplifted yet confused, not knowing what kind of lasting affect my time there would have on me. I felt called yet lost, wishing that I had some sort of guiding star to point the way. And in many ways, I think I found that star in St. Philip, and in people like Dorothy, Barbara, Fr. Bill, Fr. Charlie, Fr. Michael, and of course my kalyanamitta Romanos. Here I am, eight months later, preparing to enter into the Church and the next chapter in my story.
Today is Holy Thursday, the beginning of the Triduum, the most important time in the Church's liturgical year. Triduum isn't three separate services but one service with three acts. Holy Thursday's act is all about service and welcoming others out of love. This is symbolized in the tradition of the washing of feet, where priests and pastoral councils will wash the feet of parishioners as Jesus did his disciples during the last supper.
Jesus' life itself symbolizes this. As I wrote in November, "I see Jesus as a bodhisattva of sorts, an enlightened being pointing the way towards spiritual awakening. He's divine and descended from royalty, yet he comes to serve rather than to be served. He teaches that, to enter the kingdom of heaven, one must help relieve the suffering of others (i.e., possess a mind suffused with bodhicitta). He lives a life of selflessness, healing the sick, comforting those in need, and preaching compassion, harmlessness, and forgiveness." It's a joyful act, then, celebrating the birth of the mystery of the Eucharist and of its expression in our actions of body, speech, and mind.
Tomorrow's act, Good Friday, is rather solemn in contrast. It's about the death of Jesus. The church will be shrouded in darkness; all the lights and candles will be extinguished. But as Fr. Michael reminded us yesterday, it's also a contemplative act. When everyone leaves silently out of the dark church empty of the Eucharist, it represents the silence, darkness, and emptiness from which God speaks to us. It's a time for contemplation and reflection.
When Paul says things like, "I have been crucified with Christ; yet I live, no longer I, but Christ lives in me" (Gal 2:19-20) and "We know that our old self was crucified with him, so that our sinful body might be done away with, that we might no longer be in slavery to sin" (Rom 6:6), I think he's talking about anatta, dying to self, fana, the cessation of the ego that opens one to an experience of the deathless, nibbana, God.
In commemorating Jesus' passion, we celebrate a paradox. On the one hand, the historical person of Jesus, who embodied the spirit of God, was put to death by humanity, illustrating the power that the defilements of greed, aversion, and delusion have on the human heart. When our minds are defiled by incoming defilements, there's no evil we won't do for our own sake. On the other hand, the timeless Christ is revealed, showing us the way to new spiritual life, that when our minds are freed from incoming defilements, there's no good we won't do for the sake of others, even to the point of giving our own lives for them.
On Holy Saturday, the Easter Vigil, light comes back into the world. Each member of the congregation will light a candle from the Paschal candle in the midst of the darkened church, symbolically overcoming the darkness of sin and death. Christ has arisen within our hearts, which illuminate the world with their light of love, compassion, and truth. On this day, new members are initiated into the church through the rites of baptism and confirmation. The Easter Vigil is an act of celebration, triumph, and rebirth.
Today marks the beginning of a new chapter in my life, in my spiritual journey. In many ways, I think the Triduum represents externally a play that takes place internally in each of our spiritual lives. I began in ignorance, like an infant new to the world who depended on the help and care of others, and was guided along the way by spiritual teachers and friends. I had my doubts, my many dark nights of the soul. And now here I am, entering willingly into the unknown in order that I may be spiritually reborn.
Bravo!
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