Last night was B-, and Fr. Michael distributed ashes for Ash Wednesday, saying to each, "Repent, and believe in the Gospel." The topic, of course, was Lent. What's the meaning of Lent? For me, it's about trying to do better, be better. During Lent, we're encouraged to: fast to some degree in order to realize our dependence (on God and others) and be reminded of the suffering of those who often go without; give up something for others (i.e., donate money saved on a vice or sense pleasure that we've given up to charity); and deepen our spiritual practice (i.e., pray, meditate, read spiritual material, etc.).
For Lent, I decided to fast, as well as give up alcohol. I figure that since this is the time leading up to Easter and my potential baptism and confirmation, I should spend it in the proper way to help aid my discernment. Yesterday, I went without anything but water for the day. It was particularly difficult since I work with food; but the hardest part was going without coffee. I got a caffeine headache, which showed just how dependent upon coffee I am. Today, I ate a light breakfast and had a salad for lunch, but still no coffee. I'm limiting myself to a predominately vegan diet like they do in the Orthodox tradition.
I like the idea of fasting. It's a way of loosening the grip of sensual desire and bringing one closer to a state of spiritual openness. Many Buddhist meditators, for example, have found fasting to be a helpful meditation aid. Fasting also has a long history in the Christian tradition, aiding one get closer to God. As Romanos so poetically put it the other day, "Fasting is an act of hospitality, cleaning out, emptying some organ or attribute of us, so that God can have more room during His visit. Fasting is always a deliberate spending—even wasting—of our lives on the slim chance that we might buy the world for God."
With our busy, noisy lives and all the distractions around us vying for our attention, it's good to take time to 'go into the desert' and prepare ourselves spiritually, I think. Fasting is part of that, but so is prayer/meditation, which can be its own form of renunciation—bodily, we renounce certain foods in order to help subdue our passions; and mentally, we attempt to renounce our sinful/unskillful intentions. It's a lot harder to do right than I thought, though. I noticed that I was a lot more tired and irritable today than usual, thinking and saying a lot of unskillful things. I also failed to be charitable when I had the opportunity.
The first day in and I already felt like a failure. But in a way, it's a good lesson. We tend to expect things to be easy and overestimate the things we're capable of on our own. Part of Lent, I think, is learning humility, seeing how fragile and self-centred we are. Lent is like a spiritual mirror that we hold up to our hearts to see what kind of person we truly are and how in touch we are with God. And to really 'make more room for God,' we have to return to the silence of God, which means uncovering the divinity within us, or like Jesus says in Mt 6:6, "go to your inner room, close the door, and pray to your Father in secret."
Yep, that's right!
ReplyDeleteAlso, be careful with your fasting. When I was younger I was able to fast for long periods with little but water and some rustic bread. Now, as I enter my 'golden years' a fast of a few hours is sometimes (but not always) difficult.
One thing I've discovered that seems to hold true all the time for me is, fasting, combined with keeping busy (work, study, or intense, soulful prayer for someone or something), makes you not notice quite as much the discomfort of having nothing much in your stomach.
That's what I meant when I wrote, 'Fasting has little to do with food,
but we do sometimes forget to eat
while we're doing it.
I wrote this about nine years ago for a friend who asked me about fasting. You may find it helpful.
ReplyDeletehttp://cost-of-discipleship.blogspot.com/2006/09/word-on-fasting.html