On top of that, I spent the week house-sitting for a friend and taking care of his three elderly cats while he was away on a business trip. I still haven't fully recovered. I love cats, but being woken up by his 21yr old cat, Jasmine, almost every hour on the hour made me a sleep-deprived wreck. In hindsight, I guess it's a good thing it went by so fast.
On a more positive note, I went to the first Spiritual Formations meetup started by Fr. Bill Thursday night. It's essentially a program for young and middle adults that's partially based on the Alpha Faith series and exercises developed by the Fellowship of Catholic University Students. And of course, Fr. Bill has added some of his own stuff to the mix, as well.
Although I enjoyed myself, I'm not sure if I like it yet. It's been less 'contemplative' and more 'evangelistic' than I expected thus far. One of the first exercises, for instance, is a testimony worksheet divided into four 'acts' that we're supposed to write about: (1) my life before I knew Jesus Christ; (2) how I came to know Jesus Christ and his Church; (3) my life in Jesus Christ; and (4) the challenge and invitation to the audience.
I'm having some trouble with this exercise, not knowing what to say or how to say it. Part of the reason is that this is still very new to me. I'm kind of in the middle of getting to know the Church, and I can't say that I truly know Jesus yet, so it's hard to have any real perspective on my journey to be able to talk about it in a concise, intelligible way right now. (I've been keeping this journal since August, though, to help with that.)
Another reason is that these kinds of things are inherently difficult for me to talk about. I don't mind talking about it per se, but it's a really personal thing for me and I sometimes find it hard to articulate my thoughts and experiences with others. I suppose some of that's due to the fact most of my friends and family aren't very religious/spiritual, so I'm just not used to talking about spiritual things. Some of it's also because I'm shy and have a more contemplative approach (I think a lot of that has to do with my Buddhist practice), which makes some of my experiences and ideas hard to put into words.
And some of it, I must confess, has to do with the fact that my ideas about certain doctrines are kind of 'out there,' or else not entirely orthodox.
There's no real pressure to 'say the right things,' though. I got a nice email from Rose on Friday, in fact, saying that she got the impression that I was having problems with this exercise, and not to worry as things will start coming together as I continue my journey. She also said that past experience has led me to this place in time, and that I shouldn't worry about using 'Christian' words and just try putting faith-journey words in place of them that are familiar to me. But the most encouraging part was, "From what I have gathered over the past several months is that you hold a deep spiritual belief, but are searching for something to take it to a new level. You have a rich past to build upon."
Speaking of which, here are some notes I scribbled down while watching the first Alpha series video as they were discussing Jesus' statement in John 14, "I am the way and the truth and the life":
Jesus: "I am the way." Not unlike the Buddha as a teacher pointing the way to the noble eightfold path. 'I am the way,' finger pointing towards the moon, way/path to holiness, awakening to something ineffable—nibbana, the deathless, God?
Jesus: "I am the truth." Could mean something similar to the Buddha saying 'I am awake.' A statement of realization. Or like when the Buddha says, "He who sees Dhamma sees me; he who sees me sees Dhamma.
Mass was also a bright spot for me this week. I really felt at home there. Today's homily was similar to last week's, with a few tweaks here and there tying everything to the day's readings. It was still good, but it got me thinking about how difficult it must be to come up with something new to say every day. I certainly don't hold it against them if they occasionally recycle a story or two.
Another thing of note was that Alexis, who often helps hand out communion each Sunday, asked if I'd like to be one of the gift-bearers (i.e., those who present the bread and wine to be consecrated to the priest). I happily said yes, although I'm not sure if I did it properly. But the important thing is that I had a chance to participate, however minimally, in one of the Church's most sacred and contemplative acts.
Yes, what Rose told you is right on. In groups like the Tursday night, they use a one-template-fits-all method, which doesn't take into consideration some kinds of diversity. Never mind trying to use Christian lingo to describe your experiences. Reading the bible more, especially the gospels and the psalms, really reading them, every day, will build your 'Christian' and biblical vocabulary.
ReplyDeleteSee you Wednesday night.